rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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