Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
