I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?