happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
