Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
