She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
