am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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