he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
