I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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