Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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