Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
