Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
