my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
