i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
