Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
