No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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