I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
