I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
