What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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