is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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