i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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