he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
