you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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