i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
