anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
