genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
