one might say we're banned from that church
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i love accidental penises.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
