did you get engaged???
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
