It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
