My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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