I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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