Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
