my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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