I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
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Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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