that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
