my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
