That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
