he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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