dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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