So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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