I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
