Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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