Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
