Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
