Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's always time for handjobs
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
