I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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