he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
