I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
