i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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