Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
