But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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