my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
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I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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