Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
