i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
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Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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