Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
BRING THE BAGELS
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
