Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it because I queefed?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
