Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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