Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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