Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
