Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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